Sunday, June 5, 2011

Raccoons are out to EAT MY FACE!!!

To start my little story off I have NEVER seen a wild Raccoon until I married Johnny and became a Hanson. My first encounter with the devils sidekicks happened about three years ago. I was out late at my parents house and drove back to our 1st apt in Lacey. I got out of the car and there it was. Staring me down. I slowly started to backed away when he stood on his legs and hissed at me. I freaked out and ran for the door. In my hasting I turned around and there it was following me. Chasing me down to eat my face off. As soon as I was safe inside I called Johnny to tell him to watch out for the killer. When he arrived home later that same night, the Devil chased him into the building too.

So the next day I went to work and told my co-worker/friend about the killer raccoon. She laughed at me and thought I was just being silly. Yeah right. Why would raccoons chase a person down. I thought the same thing too. Later that day I was working on a deposit for a business when the guy points at the window behind my teller station and says, ”Wow! You don’t see them out in the daytime much.” I turn around and who happens to be hanging from a tree branch looking at me. That’s right a evil raccoon. So now is when they become officially out to eat my face off.(Or so I picture it)
The next night I run into that first raccoon again. This time I stay in my car until I know he cant see me and sneak away. The next week I get a call from my friend/co-worker telling me that there where three raccoons living in the roof of the bank and I think one flew through the roof. Then she knew too and I thought from the start. My next run in with the devil was when Johnny and I went camping. In the middle of the night we hear a noise outside the tent. Like the super brave man he is, Johnny sent me out as live bait first. There it was, eyes reflecting in my flash light. It made off with my snikerdooles.
It's mooning me

Over the past three years I’ve had numbers of run in with as I now call them little Satan but my recent story happen this week. At the beginning of the week I was out in the yard weeding when JD started saying “CAT.” He said it a few times before I turned around and it was no “CAT”. I ran to grab Johnny’s bat and chase it away. JD thought I was weird and so did Satan. They both just looked at me. I finally stared down the beast but he made a silent vow to come back and finish his brothers work of eating my face off. Yesterday he returned, waiting for me to come out at night. I went to the car to get some water out of the back. He caught me off guard. I yelled and ran inside. Johnny went for his be be gun but it was to dark. Satan ran off laughing at me I’m sure.
Today I got a little of my revenge on the evil creatures called raccoons. I went outside to put cans in the recycle bin when on my way back inside our cat Scratch and Satan where having some silent words to each other.(Or at least they were in my head). Scratch was telling it to leave me alone while Satan wasn’t listening of course. This time it was still daylight. I yelled for Johnny and my hero grab the gun and shoot it three times. While it was running away. I love my Raccoon shooting hero J
Did I finally get rid of Satan’s helpers or did I just sign my own face eating by having my hero protect me. We’ll just have to wait and see…………..

1 comment:

  1. Only thing worse than raccoons are possums, but man, you have some crazy stories to tell about those little guys-yikes!